Men are struggling.
The narrative is everywhere. It includes how it shows up at work (via distraction, withdrawal, etc.), the lack of emotional intimacy in friendships, and the struggle to ask for help.
It is hard to remember a time when the words “aggressive balance” were more applicable than over the last few years. It is one thing to weather the ups and downs of life. But so many men are desperate for meaning in their work, lack healthy outlets, and default to being alone.
I know this from personal experience. I am in the relationship business. For many years I was successful at building professional connections. However, I noticed a gap had formed over time. I was around people all day. But outside of my family, I had no one who would ask “How are you doing, really?” For years I glossed over the need for such a connection.
Ironically, I gained clarity on my need to build deeper personal relationships while I was in total isolation. A few years ago, Gina signed me up for a weekend-long silent retreat at the Jesuit Center for Spiritual Growth in Wernersville, PA. I spent time quietly reflecting, running the pristine grounds, and contemplating the missing pieces in my life. While there, I came to two conclusions:
- There were many things going very right with my family and my profession. However, I do not naturally cultivate the kind of healthy, personal relationships that will help me navigate life. This needed to change.
- If your wife tells you to be quiet and go be by yourself, it’s not the worst advice.
Since that time, I have tried to build a well-rounded sense of self. This unique identity includes my role as husband, father, entrepreneur, athlete, musician, and friend. In doing so, I found that among the men I knew, my experience of isolation was not unique.
Cultivating Identity
Recently, I said to Gina, “I love being someone who does all this.” By “all this” I am really talking about my identity. The work I have put into understanding who I am in work, play, and relationships has helped me to feel satisfied, meaningful, and relevant.
I am someone who…
…uses my unique perspective on money, relationships, and planning to bring financial confidence to spouses and couples.
…fosters a spirit of adventure in my life by running up big hills, playing rock ‘n roll, and learning new lifetime skills.
…actively cultivates deep relationships where we can ask each other, “How are you doing, really?”
Here’s a quick recap of how this manifested for me in the first half of 2023:
- Provided thought leadership as a speaker at two industry conferences.
- Hosted a Master Class on Investment Philosophy.
- Recorded a new podcast season with my business partner, Katie.
- Went fly fishing with a master fly fisherman and found a passionate community that finds meaning in peace and isolation.
- Hosted and attended a few gatherings of men where we shared, laughed, and strummed guitars. Playing has evolved from a creative outlet to something I greatly enjoy doing with others.
- Continuing to find pleasure in running trails is something I found to keep me healthy, in nature, and feeling adventurous.
It might not sound like it, but this newsletter is all about retirement.
For both men and women, embracing and defining your identity leads to living out a meaningful retirement. I’ve seen it firsthand.
All of these things I talk about openly. If you want to talk about intentional investing, go for a run through the woods, or learn how I have worked on building deeper relationships, I am here for you.
Three non-monetary Things to Consider About Retirement
- Prepare your mind. Whether or not you approach retirement with enthusiasm or with trepidation, it is important to emotionally prepare for this massive change in your lifestyle.
- Redefine your identity. The reality is that saving and investing are the things you do while you work. Figuring out who you are at this new stage of life is work. Here are a few tips to help jump-start this transformation.
- Take care of your body. A change in routine can cause us to let go of healthy habits. This doesn’t mean we must do the same things in the same ways. I’m sure my trail running days will be numbered the older I get. However, it is proven that an active lifestyle is crucial for your health and sense of well-being.
Aggressive Balance is a biweekly e-newsletter authored by Dennis Morton, Co-Founder and Principal of Morton Brown Family Wealth.
A gifted storyteller and financial advisor by trade, Dennis explores topics of leadership, finance, and the human condition in his writing as they relate to curating a life worth living.
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